And we’re live. Welcome to my account of the 85th Academy Awards, aka the culmination of Awards Season. The show kicked off with a joke from the host, Seth MacFarlane i.e. his quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh. Success. We can all go home It’s become tradition to kind of pick out a handful of the stars in attendance and pick on them. So far some of the ‘victims’ include Ben Affleck, Daniel Day Lewis, Jennifer Lawrence and Jean Dujardin.
Captain Kirk makes his appearance giving Seth some tips on how not to be the worst Oscars host ever. So he should refrain from the “We saw your boobs” number that he ‘performed’ earlier in the night. They then crossed to the montage of “We saw your boobs” musical number by the host. He listed all the stars whose boobs we’ve seen and by far we’ve seen Kate Winslet’s boobs the most.
He then welcomed to the stage Academy Award winner, Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum on stage dancing on the stage while Seth sings Sinatra’s “The way you look tonight”. How awesome. This was followed by Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon Levitt and them singing “He’s got high hopes”.
Captain Kirk is telling him to start the show with a showstopper. I wouldn’t quite call this a showstopping opening, but it works for now.
Octavia Spencer is up to present the first award of the night; the Best Actor in a Supporting role. And the Oscar goes to Christop Waltz for Django Unchained.
“Thank you so much. Mr Hoffman, Mr Jones *bows. My unlimited gratitude goes to this creator, Quinton Tarantino.”
Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy are up to present the Best Animated Short Film. The Oscar goes to Paperman for John Kahrs. They also present the award for Best Animated Feature film to Brave” Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman.
Reese Witherspoon introduces Best Picture nominees, Les Miserables, Life of Pi and Beasts of the Southern Wild.
The Avengers cast on stage – sans ScarJo. How weird? Achievement in Cinematography Oscar goes to Claudio Miranda for Life of Pi.
The Visual Effects Oscar goes to Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliott for Life of Pi.
Channing Tatum is getting loads of airtime tonight. He’s up to present alongside Jennifer Aniston. They shared some waxing jokes before present the award for Achievement in Costume Design to Jacqueline Durran for “Anna Karenina”. “Thank you to the Academy. This is absolutely overwhelming and I’d like to accept this on behalf of the incredible team.”
Makeup and Hairstyling award goes to “Les Misérables”‘s Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell. “Woah. Thank you so much to the Academy. I must pay a huge tribute to the team who worked so hard on this film.”
Halle Berry is up to introduce the 50 years of Bond tribute. There’s a montage of scenes from the franchise, which is arguably one of the most successful franchises in the film industry. Dame Shirley Bassey takes to the stage singing Goldfinger. Fantastic!
Django Unchained stars, Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx are up. They’re presenting the Best Short Film (Live Action) award to “Curfew” Shawn Christensen. “
The Best Documentary Short Subject goes to “Inocente” Sean Fine and Andrea Nix Fine.
Liam Neeson introduces some of the other Best Picture nominees including Argo, Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty.
Ben Affleck is up to present an award to present the Best Documentary award. The award goes to Malik Bendjelloul and Simon Chinn for “Searching for Sugar Man” “Rodrigues isn’t here tonight because he didn’t want to take any of the credit and that just says a lot about this incredible man.”
Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastaine are up to present the Best Foreign Language Film. The Award goes to Michael Haneke for Amour (Austria).
John Travolta dances his way onto the Oscars stage. He introduces some of the best and biggest Oscar winning musicals and the stars to the stage including Chicago, Les Miserables and Dreamgirls Catherine Zeta Jones sings All That Jazz from Chicago. This is followed by Jennifer Hudson’s performance of “I am telling You” from the hugely successful film, Dreamgirls. What she did right there was nothing short of incredible. She’s amazing, really amazing!
It’s kinda crap for the Les Miserables cast to try and follow that performance. They did well though, I’ll give them that much. Far better than what I could ever do
Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana do a quick intro for something, which I missed. Moment gone. Mark Walhberg and ‘Ted’ are up to present the award for the Best Sound Mixing Awrd to Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson and Simon Hayes for “Les Misérables”.
The Sound Editing Oscar goes to Paul N.J. Ottosson for “Zero Dark Thirty”. “To the Academy thank you. This is such an incredible honor”. The award also goes to Per Hallberg and Karen Baker Landers “Skyfall” . The last time I can see
Christopher Plummer is up to present the Best Supporting Actress award. The award goes to Anne Hathaway for her role in Les Miserables.
“It came true. Thank you so much to the Academy for this and to my fellow nominees.”
Sandra Bullock is up to present the Achievement in Film Editing award William Goldenberg for Argo.
Jennifer Lawrence introduces Adele, who performs for the first time ever on the Academy Awards stage. She’s singing the big hit, Skyfall. Lovely performance, perfect Oscars performance.
Nicole Kidman introduces Best Picture nominees, Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained and Amour.
Kristen Stewart and Daniel Radcliffe present the award for Best Production Design. “Lincoln” wins the Best Production Design award, which goes to Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson
George Clooney presents the “In Memoriam” tribute now. Barbra Streisand takes to the stage singing “The Way We Were” by the late Marvin Hamlisch. This is the first time she has appeared on the Oscar stage in thirty six years.
Chicago’s Richard Gere, Queen Latifah, Renee Zellweger and Catherine take to the stage to present the award for Best Original Score to Mychael Danna for Life of Pi.
Best Original Score goes to Adele and Paul Epworth for Skyfall “Thank you so much. This is amazing.” Paul thanks The Academy, Sam Mendes, “Adele for being the best person he has ever worked with.”
Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron are up to present the Best Adapted Screenplay award to Argo” Screenplay by Chris Terrio. “Fifteen years ago you were up here for your screenplay”. Best Original Screenplay goes to Django Unchained. “That’s cool Charlize is my neighbour. Thank you Mr. Hoffman. I want to thank the actors. Thank you so much. I love the competition. You guys are all wonderful. Peace out”
Michael Douglas and Jane Fonda will present the Best Director award to Ang Lee for Life of Pi. “Thank you oh holy God. I really need to share this with all three thousand. Everybody I worked with on Life of Pi.”
Jean Dujardine is up to present the Best Actress in a Lead Role. The award goes to Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook. She just slipped on the stage, whoops. “Standing up because you feel bad that I fell and that’s really embarrassing. Thank you to the Academy and to the women in this category.”
Meryl Streep is up to present, who is “walking on her dress”, is up to present the Best Actor in a Lead Role. The award goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln. Duh. “I really don’t know how any of this happened.”
Best Picture is presented by Jack Nicolson and live from the White House, First Lady Michelle Obama. The award goes to Argo. “I know what you’re thinking, three sexiest cruisers alive. I want to thank the Academy. This is truly an honor. There are too many people to thank. I want to thank them personally, but I want to acknowledge a couple of people. I want to thank my partner in crime, George.”
“It doesnt matter how you get knocked down in life cause that’s gonna happen All the matters is that you’ve got to get up” Ben Affleck.